Some marketing guys were with us discussing some product n their testing in UATs. As always this DISCUSSION snowballed into heated arguments with dollops of expletives from all sides. I tell u, there’s nothing more interesting (read irritating) than a bunch of no-gooders talk abt stuff that they have absolutely no clue abt!!! Nalla asked me the secret to keep the sales up n I retorted “Keep’em scared to death abt what’d happen if they dont use ur products. In other words, keep all ur customers/prospects exceedingly paranoid/insecure and ur graph will please ur eyes”. I got exasperated looks in return. I dont think I’m wrong.
January 28, 2008
January 27, 2008
Desperate Cry
The Alchemist -….”whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it’s because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. It’s your mission on earth.” ….”And when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to acheive it.”
Is this Goddamn thing really true? Like Zack said in one of his posts, I too ask – Did I not want to be with my parents real bad? Did I not want to be at the Maiden gig in MMRDA real bad? Did I not want to be at the Deth gig in B’lore real bad? Or is it that I dont know how to desire what I desire?
Zack always says “Sammy there’s a difference between wants n needs.” I know n I agree. Whats my need now? Whats my desire now? Whats my want now? Something has to go wrong somewhere every single time. Its jinxed. Or is it the very base for something called SACRIFICE? Or for being SELFISH? They feel like the two sides of the same coin from where I am standing now. All I gotta do is flip the coin. I find my head messed up n skewed! Even the title of this post laughs at me. Feels like Sepultura’s laughing…
January 23, 2008
Power On toh Markets Gone…
Rude Awakening (somehow this is the only collection that gets my energy levels soaring up n high) as Mustaine puts it …Guess it can also be used to describe the markets now… Or like my boss said SAARE ZAMEEN PAR!
January 18, 2008
When u cannot Convince, Confuse…
Got this from a friend of mine. Check out, its downrite hilarious!!!
Do you want to impress or confuse clients or Vice versa?………use Techno vocabulary.. It can be called the “Buzzword” writing method. It is simple.
There are three columns of words involved, as follows:
0. Balanced 0. Management 0. contingency
1. total 1. Organization 1. Hardware (or software)
2. integrated 2. reciprocal 2. projection
3. compatible 3. monitored 3. time-frame
4. synchronized 4. digital 4. concept
5. optimal 5. modular 5. programming
6. responsive 6. transitional 6. mobility
7. functional 7. Incremental 7. capability
8. parallel 8. third-generation 8. flexibility
9. systemized 9. policy 9. options
Just select any three-digit number; then use the corresponding
Buzzwords from the above grid, e.g., 257: “integrated modular
capability”.
Don’t worry if it doesn’t make sense to you; it won’t
mean anything to anyone else either, but they’ll think you’re just
smarter than they are so they won’t say anything!! ..
You can propose “systemized reciprocal options” (929) to achieve
“optimal transitional flexibility” (568), so that we can think of an
“integrated monitored projection” …………..and …. then ….
your boss will probably promote you or your customer will be blown
away with your technological superiority…!!
January 16, 2008
Random Observations n Crazy Statistics
Thanks to my close pal, Zack, I made a very interesting observation today. Outta the 110 numbers that adorn the contacts list in my cell, only 7 numbers belongs to the fairer sex. Outta the 7, 6 of them are married. The 0nly one who’s still unmarried is a girl straight outta hell.
To all my readers (IFANY): My sincere apologies for posting the most useless piece of information of the day and thereby wasting ur energy n time. I can be a major embarassment at times, I know…
To Zack (my most wonderful friend): I dedicate this post to u!!! Cheers pal…
January 15, 2008
Of likes n being choosy
This happened the other day in the office. During lunch time folks wer discussing abt the movies that rocked the film industry last year. While I was doing my own thing not bothering into enter such forbidden topics, one of my colleagues asked me “Tell me which was THAT one movie that u thought is a must see”. After a thought I said Cheeni Kum, Life in a Metro were good but THAT one movie (rather two) that gave me my shivers were Blood Diamond n Hotel Rwanda (TZP wasnt realised then). That started it all.. “Isko hamesha sab ajeeb cheez hi pasand aata hai”, “Cant u never like something thats Desi?”, “U like all weird things like rock music, ppl who make noise with drums n guitars” I was like WTF!!!! Do u expect me to like DESI stuff like Aapka Suroor or Saawariya or Ram Gopal Varma ke Aag? Agreed there were some really good movies like Shootout, Johnny Gaddar, Dor, etc.. Off beat but still they managed to appeal to a certain class of ppl. For heavensake what the fuck dya know abt rock music? Im not even gonna bother to throw some light on it knowing thats a shit load of waste of my time n energy! ”Ppl make noise with guitars n drums” LOLzzz. Wish i cud make them listen to some Slayer, RATM n Sacred Reich…
Some ppl use their mouths to fart… May be thats how the word ASSHOLE became an expletive!
January 10, 2008
Message
This came to my office email id. Had to put it here:
No one can make you serve customers well.
That’s because great service is a choice.
Years ago, my friend, Harvey Mackay, told me a wonderful story about a
cab driver that proved this point.
He was waiting in line for a ride at the airport.
When a cab pulled up, the first thing Harvey noticed was that the taxi
was polished to a bright shine.
Smartly dressed in a white shirt, black tie, and freshly pressed black
slacks, the cab driver jumped out and rounded the car to open the back
passenger door for Harvey .
He handed my friend a laminated card and said:
“I’m Wally, your driver. While I’m loading your bags in the trunk I’d
like you to read my mission statement.”
Taken aback, Harvey read the card. It said:
Wally’s Mission Statement: To get my customers to their destination in
the quickest, safest and cheapest way possible in a friendly
environment.
This blew Harvey away. Especially when he noticed that the inside of the
cab matched the outside. Spotlessly clean!
As he slid behind the wheel, Wally said, “Would you like a cup of
coffee? I have a thermos of regular and one of decaf.”
My friend said jokingly, “No, I’d prefer a soft drink.”
Wally smiled and said, “No problem. I have a cooler up front with
regular and Diet Coke, water and orange juice.”
Almost stuttering, Harvey said, “I’ll take a Diet Coke.”
Handing him his drink, Wally said, “If you’d like something to read, I
have The Wall Street Journal, Time, Sports Illustrated and USA Today.”
As they were pulling away, Wally handed my friend another laminated
card. “These are the stations I get and the music they play, if you’d
like to listen to the radio.”
And as if that weren’t enough, Wally told Harvey that he had the air
conditioning on and asked if the temperature was comfortable for him.
Then he advised Harvey of the best route to his destination for that
time of day.
He also let him know that he’d be happy to chat and tell him about some
of the sights or, if Harvey preferred, to leave him with his own
thoughts.
“Tell me, Wally,” my amazed friend asked the driver, “have you always
served customers like this?”
Wally smiled into the rearview mirror. “No, not always. In fact, it’s
only been in the last two years.
My first five years driving, I spent most of my time complaining like
all the rest of the cabbies do.
Then I heard the personal growth guru, Wayne Dyer, on the radio one day.
He had just written a book called You’ll See It When You Believe It.
Dyer said that if you get up in the morning expecting to have a bad day,
you’ll rarely disappoint yourself.
He said, `Stop complaining! Differentiate yourself from your
competition.
Don’t be a duck. Be an eagle.
Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd.’”
“That hit me right between the eyes,” said Wally. “Dyer was really
talking about me.
I was always quacking and complaining, so I decided to change my
attitude and become an eagle.
I looked around at the other cabs and their drivers. The cabs were
dirty, the drivers were unfriendly, and the customers were unhappy.
So I decided to make some changes. I put in a few at a time. When my
customers responded well, I did more.”
“I take it that has paid off for you,” Harvey said.
“It sure has,” Wally replied. “My first year as an eagle, I doubled my
income from the previous year.
This year I’ll probably quadruple it. You were lucky to get me today. I
don’t sit at cabstands anymore.
My customers call me for appointments on my cell phone or leave a
message on my answering machine.
If I can’t pick them up myself, I get a reliable cabbie friend to do it
and I take a piece of the action.”
Wally was phenomenal. He was running a limo service out of a Yellow Cab.
I’ve probably told that story to more than fifty cab drivers over the
years, and only two took the idea and ran with it. Whenever I go to
their cities, I give them a call. The rest of the drivers quacked like
ducks and told me all the reasons they couldn’t do any of what I was
suggesting.
Johnny the Bagger and Wally the Cab Driver made a different choice.
They decided to stop quacking like ducks and start soaring like eagles.
