What Next?

Mumbai. Its my home. For the last 26 years. It has given me, my bro and my parents our home, my education, a good career, my love and above all my marriage. So whatever I have today, I have all of it ONLY IN MUMBAI. Yes I do vent my anger on the traffic, the roads, the pollution, the power cuts. I do. But now, hereafter, I cannot. Something inside of me has stopped living. Its dead. Im numb.

Was coming back from work at around 10.45 when the conductor of the bus said something about some shootout. I just looked at him and gave him the eight bucks thats the cost of a ticket from Thane station to my home. Its only when I switched on the TV, I realized what it was.

59 hours of siege. Taj, Trident, Oberoi and Nariman House. Innocent lives. So what if this time it was the elite who were targetted. Life is a life. Just one realization that if death has to come, it comes. If I have to die and that has to happen by my body getting mutilated, it will happen. Its proven. Or may be its a given. I’m too shaken to say that its a fact.

What did they do to deserve such a gruesome end? Why does my home, my Mumbai, has to face such series of terror attacks almost every month? What have we done?

My heart goes out to all the brave people (all the commandos and Police officials) to gave their lives in this battle of liberating my home from the siege.  

I had a miscarriage sometime during the last year. I was shattered.  I remember a friend trying to console me saying atleast I did not have to look at the baby. I cursed God a lot. Now I know, He was right. What am I going to give my child here? What history? A place thats always been an exemplary image of resilience or a place thats been the target for terror attacks? On one hand I have people who are the first ones to come and help whenever such things happen and on the other we have our lame fuckers a.k.a Politicians. At the kind of mental state that I’m in, I see these as both sides of the same coin. I feel I’ve lost all my comprehending capacties.

Whats next? Few days of mourning? Some celebs writing blazing columns in the dailies?? Journalists hosting shows about Whether India has had Enough??? (Dont have already have the answers???) Our old pricks and sissies blaming each other, as always???? Some bastard in the name of being a DCM, commenting “such small things happen”???? Small?? Would you have called it big had your kids lost their lives in “SUCH SMALL THINGS”??? Bet your arse, you would have!

Will our Govt ever learn from its past mistakes? Will there be someone to take up ownership? While I ponder over these, a chill runs downs my spine coz I know someone somewhere is again planning to attack my home again and take away some more innocent lives. I feel the terrorists are more organized and united in their stand as compared to our politicians.

Amidst all this, I just realized that Im missing someone like never before. Though I dont know if Im allowed to miss him given the fact that I’m not a Marathi Manoos. Raj Thackrey. Sir, where are you?

Me too

Mumbai Local

Well, its been almost 15 days since I’ve been travelling to work and I surely love every bit of it.  The journey starts at 8 in the morning when I have to leave the house, catch the 8.10 bus to Thane station and then the 8.52 CST local. I remember my first train travel to college and I was scared to death at the very sight of a million heads. Same paranoia when I had to travel to work last Monday. But it lasted only for a few seconds. The train barely stopped and I’ve already jumped inside in search of my fav seat. Have been a pro in doing that since my college days and boy, am I proud! [grins a bit too much]. 

Now, the best part of being in a train/local: THE SUPER CONVERSATIONS AND SCENES THAT HAPPEN. Some women will fight their lives for those 2 inches of fourth seat, where only 1/10th of their big bums would try to fit! While some would look as if they have just come out of their bathrooms and jumped right into the train. Dripping wet hair, trying to dry it, hand combing it, all the while hitting other women on their busts with elbows (yes, it happens) and then trying to apply makeup while standing. One woman even had another help her with the nail polish! Then there’s another breed that feels they have to start eating the moment they are in else someone would declare a war on us! So out comes chips, farsaan, sweets, samosas, vadas, fruits, breakfast and even lunch and dinner! And we being the amazing desis that we are, its our religion to burp as loudly as possible into the ears of fellow localites that would be a sound alarm of “OK, WE HAVE HAD OUR BREAKFAST, LUNCH AND DINNER, SO PLEASE DO NOT DECLARE A WAR”. The other group is the one that’s the quieter lot. One where I belong to. Jump and catch a seat (our lives depend on it), sit and look around for sometime, then go back to listening to music or reading a book or newspaper.

The journey back home is the same. But this time of the day or rather night, there are huge levels of whimpering and simpering for 4th seats again. I’m remembering Zack’s mail to me sometime last year. It used to be good till they came. With big degrees and lappies and everything mindnumbing. The so called literates just keep talking about dhakka bhakka n all. So now even an accidental push is considered to be a blatant punch when there’d be no place to move your hand. Freaks don’t realize the simple fundas of a Goddamn train journey that they spend about an hour inside the train but behave as if they are gonna live for ever here. LOL, that was his mail to me when I asked him how it was in the Gents compartment. Hehehehe!

All said and done, I’m truly in love with the Mumbai locals and the totally crazed up scenes that I get to see in the mornings. Long live Mumbai Locals! Mwah to you!!!!

New Beginning

Its a new day and a new beginning. Yes, I do have butterflies all over my tummy, throat, neck, mouth, everywhere. I dont know whats expected of me, so will have to chalk that out. Hope I’ll be able to do complete justice and make everyone around proud of me. The two years that Ive spent here should be put to proper use.  Lets see. More on this may be in the next posts, coz its too early to comment on. Plus knowing humans, its never easy to trust stuff on face value.

Organized Religion

Organized religion is worse than organized crime! And what on earth were the police doing when these murderous pricks were beating students to pulp? Stand and watch?? Woww! Fuckin’ sissies! Get’em castrated! Oops (Anupam) has put it very aptly. This country WILL NEVER EVER IMPROVE! Sometimes I feel we were better off in the British Raj. The whole video is really disturbing and for once I’m glad the pictures arent clear. I couldnt have my lunch and won’t be able to have my dinner either. Gruesome and simply atrocious!

FM and Kamlaaa ka Hamlaaa

After about a 1000 years (it seems like that, cant help it) I listened to some FM and do they play music? All they do is talk talk talk and TALK! And people call me talkative! However, it felt good.. Something new after a long long time! There was this thing (can I call it a show??) Kamla ka Hamla! LOLzz, whoever has given the voice, its mindblowing! and then there was Sud – Hansi ke Phooaare with Sudarshan! Call me SUD, C’MON BABY CHILL… Hahahahahahahahahahahaaa! 

Whatever has happened to the lyrics department of Bollywood! Who are the lyricists now? Where’s Gulzar and his likes?? Heard this Himesh Reshamiya number ”Tandoori Nights, If loving you is wrong, I dont wanna be right”! I wanna scream now!

Hopeless Musings – 3

There’s something about this place. I can be ME and not one ounce of pretence. How much ever I may loathe it, pretence does find its way when Im there. I need it, coz some people find me to be too IN-THE-FACE for their age. So be it, if its gonna give me and them some peace of mind.

Was just faffing around in the lane listening to music when I saw that all that Im listening to these days are: Oasis, Queen, Dire Straits, Scorpions and Queensryche. Need to change my playlist. Oh BTW, after a long time, Ive decided on what the tattoo on my wrist is gonna be. A Phoenix. Yep. EXACTLY like this: