So whats your Tamil like?

Though I’m not very sure of the Statistics, atleast 8/10 of the Tamilians, who I’ve met in the last 27 years, have asked me this “So are you from Palakkad or…?” The latest of them being my buddy, who I met after more than a year, last week for dindin.

 Honestly, I’ve nothing against this question. But just the lineage where I come from makes things slightly complicated for me.  Dadda is from Palakkad, but born and brought up in Coimbatore. Mom is again from the same place. In laws (here comes the total and chaotic complication) are: Pa from Trichy and an Iyengar & Ma, an Iyer, is from Thrissur. (Yeah baby, perfect love marriage set in the late 60s, with all the Iyengar and Iyer fire attacks during the wedding). Hope I got this right, atleast this time. So whenever I’m asked this question, I actually fumble and tumble before giving out the complicated answer. Its kinda weird coz I’ve to give names of 3-4 places when most have just one native place! There have been times when I’ve really took long to answer this simple question.

So whats my Tamil like? I dont know. Seriously. I know to read and write Tamil. I can perfectly understand whats being said in Patti Mandram (Debates). My M-I-L is teaching me to read and write Malayalam now. Ok, now if you are asking me about my dialect, I guess its Tamalayam (Tamil+Malayalam). May be thats construed as Palakkad Tamil. As a kid, however, I used to feel, Pala”kkad” Tamilian means coming from the Kaadu (Jungle/Forest). [See, thats exactly how and where things get confusing.]

Whatever! We are one of a kind I tell you. Let me do an analysis of how a quintessential TamBrahm home looks like:

1. The moment you enter, you will get the strong Filter Kaapi fragrance in the living room. With tons and tons of pics of all the Hindu Gods displayed in the wall cabinet (or showcase as some call it). Kindly do not mistake the wall cabinet to be a Pooja Room. I still havent got that far. As a kid, my bro used to ask me why so many Gods. I used to convince him saying “With the number of wants and likes that a human has, it becomes highly confusing for ONE God to handle so much. So if you want wealth, you have Goddess Laxmi, you want Intelligence Ganpati Bappa is there, etc.” Call it Super Convincing prowess!!! Oh yes, there WILL ALWAYS be a BIG statue or a pic of the Kuladaivam in the living room. This pic/statue will the biggest in the room, so spotting or understanding the Kuladaivam of a clan is no problem.
2. Moving ahead, there’ll be this kitchen that’ll always see a flurry of activities ranging from preparing tiffin to making Kaapi to everything thats remotely linked to eating. Again a strong aroma of Coconut Oil or Kaapi.
3. Pooja Room. Phew. No discussions here. If wall cabinet had 124 pics, this place will have 12400 pics of all the possible Ummachis and Kadavuls. Just one difference, the photos here would be all King Size. And yes, there’ll be this big Kuttuvillakku (Diya) thats forever lit up.
4. If there are some more rooms, more aroma of Incense Sticks (is the spelling right?) more Kaapi and more Coconut Oil.

So whats its like to be a Tambrahm? Another question!

1. Days start with Slokas and hymns. Yes. All days of the week are specifically allocated for different Bhagwans. Monday is for Lord Shankara, Tuesday is for his cutest son, Lord Ganesha and so on. So different mantrams all through the week. Fridays. Aaaaahh yes!!! The day when my Ma and M-I-L feel, atleast 1 bucket of coconut oil on each strand of hair and Turmeric for the body is a must. Yes. Its a day when we Tambrahms are all slithery and slippery and really Yellow!
2. Marriages and functions. Honestly I avoid them. Too much talks of who’s doing what, who’s son-in-law is the cousin of the second daughter-in-law of the neighbours family living in the US. I lose my ear brain connection within the first 2  minutes. So I cant write much about things that I dont know.
3. Carnatic Music OR Bharatnatyam. Yes. I’m a trained vocalist. 12 years of rigourous training with Bhavam, Thalam and all. Now I sing “The Evil Has Landed” by Testament. *Whatta band.. Bows down in respect.*
4. Curd Rice. Now this is my life. You take Curd Rice out of my life and you’ll find me dead. To all those who dont like curd rice – You all are missing out on something truly celestial.

There are more, but let me reserve it for sometime later.

PS: This post might sound cynical. But yes, Tam brains are considered to be one among the best!!!  

PPS: Wonder why my brain is an exemplary display of perfect distortion!