PIA – Palakkad Iyer Airlines

Disclaimer: Not my imagination. This is the baby of some guy called Hari Krishnan on Orkut. Dont wanna transalate this since the fun will be gone, if I do. Read on:

Headquarters: Palakkad, of course! 

 Insignia: The logo of the airline will be panchapatram & Uddharini! The tails of all the aircrafts will carry this sign.

 Inaugural flight: PI 108 from Palakkad to Chennai! (108 is a significant no. for us)

 Crew: The entire aircraft crew will be PIs. The stewards and stewardesses will be clad in soman/angavasthram and 9  yards podavai respectively.

 Menu: The snacks menu will have idli, vadai, adai, bajji, bonda, dosa etc, served on different days. On festival days, the relevant food will be served. Kali/puzhukku on Tiruvadirai, appam/pori on Karthigai and so on. The beverages will include panakam on Sree Rama Navami day. 

 Announcement: The cabin announcement will be in PI Tamil  followed by English as is the standard practice. The  announcement in PI Tamil will run like this: Ellarum vango.  Naanakkum Bhagyalakshmi, intha flight la cabin crew chief. Intha plane no. PI 108 Palakkad lenthu Chennaikku porathu. Porathukku ekadesam oru manikoor aakum. Intha flight la  ongalukku pidicha palaharam ellam vilambuva.

 Intha plane parappikkarathu Capt. Ananthanarayanan aakkum.  Avar kooda Capt. Gopalakrishnanum irukkaan. Cabin crew ellarum nanna namma bashai pesuva. Ongalukku ethavathu venamana engale kooppudungo. Udane varuvom. Ellarum nanna sukhichundu  pongo!

 International Flights: The first international service will be from Palakkad to New York. Flight No. PI 1008. (another no. of significance to us) The announcement will be on the same lines as domestic flight. But being a long haul flight of about 18 hrs, will additionally have the following too: Intha flight 18 manikoor edukkum. Athinale aarukkavathu paduthukkanamana jamakkalam/thalagani kidakkum. Sandhyavandhanam pannandavalukku panchapathram/uddharini kidakkum.

 On Amavasai days, for those who need, Vadhyar service will be available for performing tharpanam! Business and first class passengers will receive compliments: velli panchapatram/uddharini. But also to maintain tradition, the miniskirt will have jarigai and hostess willl have mali poo on head wid kungumam and metti and stuff. and the seats will b alotted according to the gothram…so that the passengers can find their long lost relatives….

 The seats wont have numbers…as in 3 A,B ,C…it’ll have da names of places….lik 3 kodavayoor, 5 perembavoor etc. The entertainment system will have live proceedings of the poojais of kula deivams .. and seats can be allotted according to that also. Another part of the initial annoucement should be: Kulimuri yum kakkoosum pinnaltha side la mathram thaan irrikku, kettela? athu ennathinaala-na… minbhagathila antha edam naangal kovil kettiyurukkom – left la pillayar kovil, ight la bhagavathy kaavu. chapadarathika minnala kovil-kku poyittu vaango”

  At the end before landing ”ippo palakkad la eranga porom, ayyo bhayangara choodu appa velila. flight-lendu erangaratta complimentary visheri eduthukango. rombha santhosham neengal flightla vandel. oru last vishayam – vera flight-leyum kovil kettara kaaryam baaki irukku, therinchida? enna.. kaiya toranthu subhikshama donate pannungo ennu request. sheriya.”